Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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