I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
