The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
its liver damage thursday
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
