It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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