It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
