craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
