i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
