you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
