What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
