I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just google imaged poop.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
