Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
