Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
