the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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