I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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