I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
