If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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