oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
