I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize