The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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