Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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