I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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