I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
