I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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