They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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