i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
