i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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