I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
