I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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