With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
