i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
