I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize