I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize