I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
