he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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