I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
