my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
