so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
