shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
