one might say we're banned from that church
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
