You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
