Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
