just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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