I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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