I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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