Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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