So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
