Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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