Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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