remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
