I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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