A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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