You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
