You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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