I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
