walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
