I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
