Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize