I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
