i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
