Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
