Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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