you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
