He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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