the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
