hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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