My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
