2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
