May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
