We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
