He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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