This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
