My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
