I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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