I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
